Los Angeles! Free Comedy! Non-free Booze!
Sunday, March 23
The Lexington Bar 129 E. 3rd St.
No list here - just joshin’ with ya.
A Very Special Five Tweets I Love
Every Wednesday we usually ask a WS Aristocrat to name their five favorite tweets and then post them here. This week, we decided to mix it up a bit and ask everyone/anyone to name their top tweet. So here they are, in no order whatsoever, just like the laws of the universe as taught to us by Jeff Goldblum in Jurassic Park:
Of course there’s no such thing as Yuk Magazine. What’s the matter with you?
THESE MEN ARE DOOMED
It’s finally done. The production draft of my first script as solo screenwriter.
Not sure how to tell you this, but I think Eddie Murphy already did that one. :(
Would you rather fight one horse-sized duck, or a hundred duck-sized horses? And why? How would you win?
One horse-sized duck. And the fight would never happen - I’d gingerly, painstakingly tame her. For I am THE DUCK WHISPERER.
Then I’d get a saddle & a specially made bridle and we would ride! How could I afford the custom-build bridle, you might ask? I’d just put it on her bill!
BA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA !!!!
Titles of Manuscripts Found on the Late Steig Larsson’s MacBook
The Girl Annoyed That Every Female Swedish Character on Every Sitcom Ever is Named “Inga”
The Girl Who Was Surprised to Learn that the letter “O” with a Slash in it is not in the Swedish Alphabet
The Girl Who Bugged, You Know What I Mean? Really Bugged
The Girl Who Tripped, Jumped Back Up, and Said, “I Meant to do That”
The Girl, Standing in Front of a Boy, Telling Him She Loves Him
The Girl with the Overwrought Metaphor
Answers to Questions Posed by Popular Music
Q: What’s love got to do with it?
A: I have grown emotionally attached to you and wish to become “more than friends.”
Q: Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near?
A: I have them trained - it’s sort of a hobby.
Q: Why do fools fall in love?
A: Not wise enough to marry for money.
Q: How many roads must a man walk down before you can call him a man?
A: Just one, but he has to walk down it sometime between 2 and 5 AM, wearing nothing but a loincloth and a steely gaze.
Q: Does anybody really know what time it is?
A: 12:16 PM PST.
Q: Does anybody really care?
A: I’d really like to get to that 12:45 showing of “Silver Linings Playbook” and I don’t want to miss the previews. So… me. I care.
Q: Who let the dogs out?
A: Justin Gonzales, Robertson Kennels Asst. Manager. In his defense, it was time for yard exercise.
Q: Why don’t you hit me with your best shot?
A: I fear I would cause you grievous bodily harm.
Q: Should I stay or should I go?
A: Elsewhere you state that if you go there will be trouble, if you stay there will be double. Based on simple arithmetic it seems clear that you should go.
Q: Have you ever seen the rain?
A: Yes, it was totally pouring this morning.
Q: How do you talk to an angel?
A: Angels can understand pretty much any language so you should be good.
Q: Are we human or are we dancer?
A: Three-fifths human, one-fifth dancer, one-fifth spaniel.
Q: Wouldn’t it be nice?
A: It would be more than nice - it would be loverly.
Q: What’s so funny ‘bout peace, love and understanding?
A: The “peace” part kind of makes me chuckle.
Q: Is she really going out with him?
A: Yes, for about two years now. Move on already.
Q: People are people so why should it be you and I should get along so awfully?
A: People may be people, but you are a self-involved jerk.
Q: Are you gonna go my way?
A: I am going southbound to about 36th. Does that work for you?
Q: How much is that doggie in the window?
A: $34.95 plus vaccination fees.
Q: How can we sleep when our beds are burning?
A: Flame-retardant sheets. Duh.
Q: Have I told you lately that I love you?
A: No, and it hurts. Oh, wait, are you telling me now?
Q: Will you still love me tomorrow?
A: What’s love got to do with it?